An Open Letter To The 7pm Wine

Kids' bedtime wine = the best wine in the world

 

Dear 7pm wine,

I think I love you. Is that a bit bold to admit so early on? Well, I’ve said it now (hashtag-there-I-said-it).

It’s only since becoming a mum that I’ve truly discovered your healing powers.

Back when I had my first taste of alcohol at around 16 (I’m pretty sure it was something gross like strawberry MD 20/20… I know. Sacrilege, right?) it was out of curiosity and it’s no surprise that for a few years after that, I drank long vodkas and Baileys because they pretty much taste like soft drinks/a milkshake. Throughout uni,  I moved onto more *cough* sophisticated drinks like Bacardi Breezers (cranberry, natch) and Archers and lemonade. I drank in cheesy bars and clubs (Amadeus in Rochester, I’m looking at you) and danced until the designated driver dragged us out of there.

Then, in my early twenties I drank vodka and Diet Coke because I was following the Weight Watchers plan (wish I could go back to my 22-year-old size 12 self and tell her to chill the heck out about her weight) and it was only one ‘point’. I’m pretty sure you’re not meant to save up ten points to drink in one evening, but hey, it worked for me.

It wasn’t until my mid twenties that I discovered your close friend, the after-work white wine. Before that, I hadn’t liked the taste of wine (can you believe that?). The after-work wine was a great stress reliever and when paired with a couple of packets of Mini Cheddars and some office gossip, it was a cracking way to spend every Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday night.

But nothing compares to you, the post-kids’-bedtime 7pm glass of wine. I tuck my daughter up in bed, read her a story or two, then come downstairs and head to the fridge. The noise of the screw cap loosening coincides with my shoulder muscles loosening. The glug glug glug of the wine hitting the glass soothes my tight forehead. But it’s that first sip…

Cold, crisp, fruity, dry. Bingo.

I don’t event mind when I hear a little voice from the top of the stairs saying “MUMMYYYY! I NEED A WEEEE!” because I know that when I come back downstairs after taking her for a wee/giving her a drink/fixing her covers/moving her teddies/whatever excuse she happens to be using that night to avoid going to sleep, you’ll be waiting for me.

Thanks, you.

Love, your Number One Fan x

<<< I’m linking this post up to The Bad Mums’ Club – a collection of posts by bloggers on our failings as mothers. The Bad Mums’ Club consists of me, Morgana from But Why Mummy Why, Aimee from Pass The Gin and Katie from Hurrah For Gin but really, everyone is welcome. Of course, we know we’re not really bad mums, but I think it’s important to highlight all the imperfect stuff we do, as well as the amazing rose-tinted moments. It’s good to keep it real, right?Do visit MorganaAimee and Katie‘s blogs to read their Bad Mums’ Club posts! >>>

badmumsclub

Kirstie Allsopp & Fertility: Are We Adding More Pressure On Young Women?

Kirstie Allsopp

Kirstie Allsopp caused a bit of a stir yesterday. In an interview with The Telegraph’s Bryony Gordon, she spoke about women’s limited fertility and when women choose to have kids. If you believe some articles that sprang up in reaction, she was telling the nation’s young women to bin off uni and find a nice man to settle down with, but I think her argument is slightly more complex than that.

“Women are being let down by the system,” she said. “We should speak honestly and frankly about fertility and the fact it falls off a cliff when you’re 35. We should talk openly about university and whether going when you’re young, when we live so much longer, is really the way forward. At the moment, women have 15 years to go to university, get their career on track, try and buy a home and have a baby. That is a hell of a lot to ask someone. As a passionate feminist, I feel we have not been honest enough with women about this issue.”

So far, so good. Have to say that I agree with Kirstie on all of that. Between the age of 18 and 35 we have so much to pack in. Kirstie continues by saying, “[Fertility] is the one thing we can’t change. Some of the greatest pain that I have seen among friends is the struggle to have a child. It wasn’t all people who couldn’t start early enough because they hadn’t met the right person.

“But there is a huge inequality, which is that women have this time pressure that men don’t have. And I think if you’re a man of 25 and you’re with a woman of 25, and you really love her, then you have a responsibility to say: ‘Let’s do it now.’

“I don’t have a girl, but if I did I’d be saying ‘Darling, do you know what? Don’t go to university. Start work straight after school, stay at home, save up your deposit – I’ll help you, let’s get you into a flat. And then we can find you a nice boyfriend and you can have a baby by the time you’re 27.”

“Yes,” she concedes, “that might sound wholly unrealistic. But we have all this time at the end. You can do your career afterwards. We have to readjust. And men can have fun after they have kids. If everyone started having children when they were 20, they’d be free as a bird by the time they were 45. But how many 45-year-olds do you know who are bogged down?

“I don’t want the next generation of women to go through the heartache that my generation has.”

It’s fantastic that Kirstie Allsopp has pushed this debate into the media. Talking about fertility and choice can only be a good thing and if it gets young women thinking about what they want from life, then that’s brilliant.

So much of what Kirstie says makes sense – of course we only have a limited window when it comes to starting a family, you can’t deny that, and I love the idea of questioning the order we do things in. Questioning things that we do because it’s how everyone else does it – that is the kind of thinking that led to women getting the vote and the kind of thinking that led to women working in jobs previously only done by men and the kind of thinking that led to fairer pay for women and the kind of thinking that will see flexible working rights change later this month and paternity leave rights change next year.

Questioning how and why we do things is the way forward. Of course it is.

Continue reading

Why I Want To Raise A Disobedient Daughter

Why I want to raise a disobedient daughter

When I’m in a restaurant and I see children sitting quietly, colouring and sipping on a glass of milk, while their parents chat and eat, I feel quietly impressed. I might even turn to whoever I’m with and say, “Wow, what well behaved children, they’re clearly being brought up well.” It’s fair to say we offer a lot of praise towards parents who raise well behaved children.

In contrast, my daughter is usually the child in the restaurant SHOUTING EVERYTHING (why don’t three-year-olds have a volume dial?), standing on her chair, putting crayons in a glass and shaking them to listen to the rattle it makes, crying and moaning when she drops her colouring sheet (“MUMMY! Pick it uuuuuuup…….. please.”) and refusing to eat the majority of her lunch.

But, actually, I don’t mind.

If given the choice between raising a well behaved obedient child and a challenging child with spirit, I’d go for the latter, every time. Yes, it’s stressful and tiring and it can reduce even the calmest of parents to tears, but many of the traits we think are bad in a child, are seen as brilliant traits in an adult.

Questioning things - it drives me up the wall when my three-year-old asks “Why?” around 89 times a day. Sometimes it’s cute (“Why are you wearing that jacket?”) and sometimes it’s frustrating (“Why do I have to go to bed? I’m NOT TIRED”… usually followed by a yawn and a rub of the eyes) but in the grown up world, I want her to question things and ask why. I want her to look at how things work and wonder whether they can work better a different way. Some of the people we admire the most are the ones who question things. Continue reading

10 Things Every Parent Will Tweet

10 things every parent tweets at some point...

10 things every parent will tweet

1. The early morning tweet:

It’s 6.05am. My kids are fast asleep. Why am I awake?!

2. The clock change tweet:

THANK YOU GMT for making our day an hour longer. Currently trying to convince 2yo he is sleepy and wants to go to bed #fatchance

3. The 3am feeding mum tweet:

Anyone else awake? My timeline is so quiet…

4. The wine o’clock tweet:

It’s been a day of tantrums, rain and Peppa Pig. I’ve bloomin’ earned my 7pm wine tonight.

5. The weirded out by technology tweet:

OK so my 18 month old can unlock my iPhone and knows my passcode. I’m officially scared. Continue reading

How I Wish I Was Practically Perfect In Every Way

Mary Poppins

There are people who glide through life with poise. You know the ones – always saying the right thing, and in such an eloquent way. They always look polished and neat. They look so in control of everything all the time.

I watch these people with intrigue. ‘What must it be like, to be that person?’ I ask myself. I study them, trying to work out what is going through their mind and what plans they put in place each evening and each morning, to look so sleek and on top of life.

Instead, I feel like I’m slightly chaotic in manner and appearance. If I look groomed, it’s been a huge effort. I always seem to say the wrong thing at the wrong time. I blurt things out before I’ve thought it through. When making small talk, my mind goes blank and I can’t think of anything to say at all.

Take something which happened last week, as an example. While at an industry event – lots of glossy hair and men in sharp suits, you know the kind of thing – I sat down to have lunch and proceeded to spill some ratatouille onto my jeans, leaving a lovely red splodge stain. So for the rest of the afternoon, I had to carry my bag in an awkward way to hide it. Sleek, huh?

The following day, while freelancing in the office of a super stylish magazine (the girls have swishy hair and perfect eyeliner flicks, the boys have beards and cool glasses) I sat down at my desk, took my heels out of my bag (I wish I could walk distances in heels… I’m not that kind of girl either) and a plaster fell out of one shoe. A plaster that had clearly been on my foot, the last time I’d been wearing the shoes. A used plaster. Luckily, the girl sitting next to me was a friendly intern from Newcastle and not someone likely to be phased by a plaster. If anything, my faux-pas probably reassured her that not all magazine writers are practically perfect… so I was, er, doing her a favour, right?

That day, I was wearing dressy joggers (fashion speak for baggy trousers you can wear with heels – basically my idea of heaven). I’d made a silly choice of underwear however, opting for a slightly loose fitting pair of pants. The loose-fitting nature of said pants, paired with the loose-fitted nature of the joggers was a match made in hell.

As I walked back from lunch (in a sushi bar, darling) I could feel my pants slide down my bottom. Unable to have a fiddle or a yank in broad daylight on a busy London street, I simply carried on walking. By the time I got back to the office, my pants were fully gathered around the top of my thighs and I had to dash to the loo (walking through the office to get there) to adjust myself. I mean, that kind of thing just doesn’t happen to those glossy, poised people does it?

So I’ve realised that I’m just not destined to be practically perfect in every way.

But I can fake it. how to fake confidence

Here are my top 5 ways of making it look like you totally WIN at life

  1. Smile. A big friendly smile in most situations will make people think you have poise. And that you’re friendly, which is a bonus.
  2. Wear red lipstick. Or pink. Or orange. But basically, wearing lippy automatically makes you look more groomed. Even if I’m wearing ripped jeans and a striped t-shirt, adding lipstick turns it into a ‘look’ rather than a just-threw-this-on-outfit.
  3. Pause and think before you speak. Yes, easier said than done in my case, but on the occasions I’ve managed it, what has come out of my mouth is articulate and sensible. (Even if in my head, I’m a wibbly mess.)
  4. Walk slowly and with your head held high. Too often, I scurry around without making eye contact, but if you study those people who are in control of life, they walk slowly, confidently, head up and shoulders down. Try it, it really works!
  5. Plan ahead where you can – whether it’s deciding on an outfit, doing research before a meeting or buying a birthday present for that kids’ party next week, spend a few minutes each day thinking about what you might need to plan for the next. I’m pretty sure that’s the secret to being bloody amazing.

What about YOU? Are you that person (tell me how you do it!) or do you have tips on faking it?