The moment you realise your child is no longer a baby is a strange one. You’re used to them cooing cutely and being happily entertained for 40 minutes by some trees blowing in the wind, when suddenly (or so it seems) they’re demanding, independent and determined. They’re (gulp) a toddler. Here are…
The ten rules of toddler
- You will read me my favourite book. Yes, 62 times each day. Don’t stop. Even when my concentration has drifted off and it seems like I’m not listening. Keep reading, Mummy.
- You will sit on this chair, next to me, Daddy. Now move! Mummy, your turn. Sit here. Now!
- Escalators! I want to go up them, and down them, and up them, and down them.
- I want Rice Krispies for lunch please. I don’t care that you’ve cooked me some pasta. Rice Krispies, please (or as I like to call them “ro ro” – thank goodness you’ve worked out that secret code.)
- I must have two of everything in my hands at once. Two rice cakes, two pens, two spoons, two forks.
- When I’m drawing, I must wear a bib. But when I’m eating? No way! Get that bib away from me, Mummy.
- I love beans! I hate beans! I love chicken! I hate chicken! I love bananas! I hate bananas! Keep up, folks.
- Wheeeeee! I love the giant slide at the park, and I must go on it lots. No, not on your lap, Daddy, I must go on it alone.
- My favourite word is MORE and you must obey me, when I say it.
- If you do not live by these rules, I reserve the right to throw myself onto the floor of Sainsbury’s, arch my back and SCREEEEAAAAAM. Well, until you distract me by opening an unbought bag of rice cakes and giving me two. Yes, two!