The ten rules of toddler

Toddler lunchtime


The moment you realise your child is no longer a baby is a strange one. You’re used to them cooing cutely and being happily entertained for 40 minutes by some trees blowing in the wind, when suddenly (or so it seems) they’re demanding, independent and determined. They’re (gulp) a toddler. Here are…

The ten rules of toddler

  1. You will read me my favourite book. Yes, 62 times each day. Don’t stop. Even when my concentration has drifted off and it seems like I’m not listening. Keep reading, Mummy.
  2. You will sit on this chair, next to me, Daddy. Now move! Mummy, your turn. Sit here. Now!
  3. Escalators! I want to go up them, and down them, and up them, and down them.
  4. I want Rice Krispies for lunch please. I don’t care that you’ve cooked me some pasta. Rice Krispies, please (or as I like to call them “ro ro” – thank goodness you’ve worked out that secret code.)
  5. I must have two of everything in my hands at once. Two rice cakes, two pens, two spoons, two forks.
  6. When I’m drawing, I must wear a bib. But when I’m eating? No way! Get that bib away from me, Mummy.
  7. I love beans! I hate beans! I love chicken! I hate chicken! I love bananas! I hate bananas! Keep up, folks.
  8. Wheeeeee! I love the giant slide at the park, and I must go on it lots. No, not on your lap, Daddy, I must go on it alone.
  9. My favourite word is MORE and you must obey me, when I say it.
  10. If you do not live by these rules, I reserve the right to throw myself onto the floor of Sainsbury’s, arch my back and SCREEEEAAAAAM. Well, until you distract me by opening an unbought bag of rice cakes and giving me two. Yes, two!


  1. April 8, 2012 / 8:22 pm

    HAHAHAHA, hilarious and so so true. Have experienced 7/10 of these just today 🙂

  2. Sleeping Mom
    April 8, 2012 / 8:31 pm

    We’ve been on an escalator crazy the past several months! My toddler’s current phrase is “I want… I want… I want…”

  3. Kim
    April 8, 2012 / 8:46 pm

    Ha ha ha, funny! I have witnessed some of these especially the seat changing demands!

  4. April 8, 2012 / 9:51 pm

    As the mum of a 2 1/2 year old daughter I live with most of this everyday. My ‘baby’ boy has turned one today so I think he might also now be classed as a toddler. Two toddlers – now that’s scary!

  5. April 30, 2012 / 11:57 pm

    Hahahaha, already beginning to feel familiar with this list and mine’s just 11 months old. Yikes, if he’s like this now, I’m doomed…

  6. ginacaro
    May 4, 2012 / 11:20 pm

    This made me laugh out loud and wake up the other half who’s sleeping next to me. He was not impressed lol x

  7. May 5, 2012 / 8:39 am

    Great list, very funny. My 9 month old already wants to hold onto 2 things at a time, right now he is eating a biscuit whilst holding a spoon 🙂

  8. May 5, 2012 / 10:10 am

    Fantastic blog post – love it! Glad to have found you

  9. May 17, 2012 / 4:17 pm

    Ha ha ha! This is fantastic. Have you seen the Twitter account @honesttoddler? More hilarity of the sort you posted here.

    • May 17, 2012 / 4:57 pm

      I hadn’t discovered that Twitter account until now – LOVE IT.

      My favourite is: If you were to break an iPad, where would you hide it? And would daddy still love you? Asking for a friend. 🙁

  10. March 10, 2014 / 11:40 am

    Such a great little post…felt like you were writing about my two year old…so good to know that so many other mums are going through exactly the same crazy demands as my little one is currently putting me through…loved it..!!

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