1. Ooh YAY it’s going to get warm!
2. Oh crap. It’s going to get HOT. 33C? We’re going to melt.
3. Where’s the paddling pool? Why don’t I have a set place to store things like paddling pools? I’m totally going to create a ‘Seasonal items’ box in the cupboard under the stairs for this kind of thing.
4. I’ll just buy a new paddling pool.
5. Oh crap. Why has everywhere sold out of paddling pools? Wonder if I can buy this toddler ball pit and fill that up with water? If I buy three super soakers and spray my child with them, will that be the same as having a paddling pool?
6. I found a paddling pool! I officially win at life. This is as good as getting a half price turkey on Christmas Eve.
7. Totally going to sit with my feet in this paddling pool, while my little one splashes around in it.
8. Why does my child refuse to put on sunscreen and wear a hat? How can I make this happen without a full on tantrum? Maybe I can creep up on her and slather the cream on her before she notices.
9. Didn’t work. Neighbours now hate me because I’ve ruined their chilled ambience by shouting “I’m going to count to three!” and my child screaming and wailing.
10. Shall we have an impromptu BBQ tonight?
11. Oh crap. Why has everywhere sold out of burgers? All that’s left are korma-flavoured beef kebabs.
12. Mmmm I can smell next door’s BBQ. They have burgers. Dammit – they must have planned ahead.
13. Does opening the windows make the house cooler, or just let warm air in?
14. Will my neighbours think we’re weird if we keep the curtains closed all day, to keep the sunshine out?
15. Whyyyy is there no air in my upstairs rooms?
16. My child is never going to get to sleep in this heat.
17. Ooh, I’ll get the oscillating fan and put it on in her bedroom. Now where did we put the fan? See, told you we needed a seasonal items box. The fan would be in that box, if we had one.
18. Found it. In the airing cupboard. Obviously.
19. Do oscillating fans even do anything apart from push warm air around the room?
20. Oscillating is such a funny word. Oscillating. Oscillating. Oscillating.
21. I’m just going to have this cold glass of wine. Just to cool myself down, you understand.
22. Ooh I’ve caught the sun today.
23. Oh crap, now I can’t get to sleep. My pillow feels so warm. It’s too hot for my duvet but it just feels weird to lie here without anything over me. When I create my seasonal items box, I should put some thin bed sheets in there.