It’s inevitable. Like getting your first grey hair or getting a humdinger of a hangover after just half a bottle of wine, we all get old and we all turn into our parents eventually. Don’t resist it. Just embrace it, knowing that one day, your kids will turn into you.
Hasn’t happened to you yet? Are you sure? You’re not in denial? Alright then, just for you, here are the signs to look out for. You know you’re turning into your parents when…
- It’s Sunday morning, and you switch Radio 1 off (asking yourself “Who is Gemma Cairney anyway?” – nope you’re not cool enough to have heard of the former 1Xtra DJ) and instead you listen to Steve Wright’s Sunday Love Songs over on Radio 2. Ahhh, that’s really soothing as you butter your crumpets.
- You say things to your child like “I won’t tell you again!”, “Elbows off the table!”, and “Wait for the green man”.
- You lick your thumb (or worse, spit on a tissue) and wipe your child’s grubby face. I still shudder when I remember my mum doing this… but yes I’ve done it to my toddler after a particularly energetic Petits Filous scoffing session.
- You start to spot clothes and shoes that you really like… in Marks & Spencer. Around the same time, you walk into Miss Selfridge and try to work out whether that sequined thing is a skirt or a top. Or is it a snood?
- You clean your bathroom and kitchen regularly, not just before you have family or friends around to visit.
- You open a packet of biscuits/rice cakes/crisps while you are walking around the supermarket, to abate your child who has-the-potential-to-kick-off-and-scream-Sainsburys-down. Then you sheepishly hand the open packet to the checkout lady, who gives you a knowing smile.
- It rains non-stop for two weeks in June, and while you moan along with the rest of your friends (“I know we usually get rubbish summers, but this takes the biscuit!”) you feel secretly pleased that the back garden is getting a good drink.
- You say things like “this takes the biscuit”.