If Parents Got Brownie Badges…


This week, the five-year-old caught nits. I’d been checking her hair most days, since the little blighters are doing the rounds at her primary school (and have been, actually, since before Christmas). And yesterday morning, as I was pulling her hair into a ponytail for school, I saw them. Tiny white specks. I’d like to say I acted calmly, but instead I sent a panicked message to a bunch of the school mums saying “HELP! WHAT DO I DO?”

After a trip to the chemist to buy a nit comb and tea tree oil conditioner, I methodically wet-combed the five-year-old’s hair for around 45 minutes, unearthing anything and everything that was in there. As someone who doesn’t like creepy-crawlies, this was not a pleasant experience. That evening, I repeated the process and did my hair and Mr P’s too.

By the end of the day, I felt like I deserved a badge of honour – I’d officially dealt with nits. I could tick it off my ‘Mum experiences’ list and know that next time it happens (because it will) I’ll be calm and I’ll know exactly what to do.

Actually, wouldn’t it be great if us parents received badges every time we achieved something? Little embroidered patches to sew onto our jacket arms, like they give out in Rainbows, Brownies and Beavers. (Sidenote: these badges would all be iron-on. How the flip have the Girl Guiding Association and Scout Association not moved onto iron-on badges yet?!)

Here are some of the badges I think we could earn…


The Nit Nurse Badge

For when you successfully navigate your first head lice infestation. *high five*

The Newbie Badge

Awarded after your first night with your new baby – you did it! You survived the first night being responsible for a little human.

The Personal Care Badge

That first day you manage to shower and put some make up on, after having a baby!

The Musician Badge

Those baby music classes are pretty much only fun for the babies. Get through a whole term of them to get this badge. Bonus points if you actually sing in the classes.

The Agility Badge

Get around a soft play centre without getting stuck between those giant rollers that the kids slide through.

The Night Out Badge

That first night out as new parents is BRILLIANT and HARD all at the same time. What if the baby doesn’t settle? What if he/she misses us? Oooh, wine.

The Bedtime Badge

When you make it to bedtime without losing your rag, on a particularly trying day.

The First Aid Badge

That first time you have to either patch up your child yourself or, worse, head to A&E – you get this badge (and a large wine to calm your nerves).

The Entertainer Badge

Survived a long car journey with a child with minimal iPad use? Played endless games of I Spy? Congrats, you deserve the Entertainer badge.

The Culture Badge

Awarded after your first trip to any of the following: Peppa Pig World, CBeebies Land or Thomas Land.

The Hostess Badge

Arrange a tea party for your NCT/ante-natal group friends, give them tea (OK gin) and posh biscuits. Listen to their parenting woes.

The Flying High Badge

You got through along plane journey with your child? You didn’t make everyone sitting near you on the plane hate you? Congrats! You win the Flying High Badge!

The World Traveller Badge

Survive three long plane journeys with your children and you get this very special badge.

Which other badges would you like to earn? And maybe we should organise some Girl Guide camps for parents too. With lots of wine. Who’s in?



  1. April 21, 2016 / 5:52 pm

    You should totally make those badges 😉 I think we deserve them!!

  2. April 21, 2016 / 6:01 pm

    This made me chuckle. With a teen daughter, I’m thinking of a whole other set of badges!

  3. April 21, 2016 / 7:31 pm

    hehehe! I love this. We should get badges! I think we deserve them! x

  4. April 21, 2016 / 7:33 pm

    Awesome post, I’m seeing some sort of poop warrior badge for those right up the back, front and side numbers… Oh and maybe a keeping youre cool badge, or when your toddler throws a loud wobbler in sainsburys because she wants to hold the bag of onions….

  5. April 21, 2016 / 10:08 pm

    This cracked me up. I am not looking forward to nits coming into our house. EUGH!! You definitely deserve a badge – or a large G&T! x

  6. April 22, 2016 / 12:52 pm

    Wooohooo! I’ve nearly earned them ALL! Just need to get a few long haul flights under my belt. When will my badges arrive?! *prepares sash*

  7. April 22, 2016 / 8:12 pm

    Having just come back from India with and 8 yr old and a 6 yr old I think I’m well on the way to my world traveller badge. And there should definitely be an award for all those kids parties we have to host!

  8. April 22, 2016 / 10:51 pm

    I love this. You should definitely make those badges, I’m dreading when the time comes to school and nits. I remember having them as a kid and the smell of the stuff my mum used to get rid of them was awful!

  9. April 25, 2016 / 10:09 pm

    YES! My current badge would be: World’s Best Plate Spinner!

  10. April 25, 2016 / 11:07 pm

    Oh my Alison I loved reading this post – they should SO make some parenting brownie badges! I feel like any day I managed to have a shower with a baby and a young child at home deserves a badge, plus just making it to the end of the day in once piece

    Laura x

  11. April 26, 2016 / 10:03 am

    Funnily enough it’s the hostess badge I always found really daunting – great post and well done on the nit front xx

  12. April 29, 2016 / 9:07 am

    Well done on the nit experience – can there also be a bonus badge for if (when) you catch nits from your kids?!

  13. May 1, 2016 / 9:52 am

    Haha I think I get most of these apart from wold traveller. I hate nits it makes me itch even thinking about them. I use a vamousse shampoo on the boys weekly now, more if I get the dreaded headlice are back in school letter and they havent caught them once this year! X

  14. March 12, 2017 / 5:28 am

    Hahah such a clever idea Alison, collect em’ all!!

  15. May 14, 2017 / 9:03 am

    Definitely need some kind of Recovery Badge. Surviving the day with a small child after earning the Night Out Badge.

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.