You feel guilty because it seems like everyone else is nailing home schooling whereas your child just wants to kick a football around/watch YouTube/play Minecraft*
(*delete as appropriate)
You have a new-found respect for teachers and think they all deserve a (huge) pay-rise.
The school run now consists of walking from your bedroom to your living room. (Isn’t it glorious?)
Your home printer has never seen so much action. Educational worksheets? Colouring in printables? Print. Them. All.
You are cursing yourself for not getting around to buying a home printer (or replacing the ink when it ran out).
You now spend most of your time being a Social Secretary for your children – setting up Zoom and FaceTime video calls between them and their classmates.
You realise that talking on a video call isn’t a skill your kid has.
Your child: Hello! ….. *awkward silence*
You: *whispering* Ask them how they are!
Your child: ……….. hello!
Your other new role is Constant Supplier Of Snacks to your kids. 7.30am breakfast, 8am snack, 9am snack, 10am snack… and repeat.
You may as well have a flash card that says FRUIT that you hold up every time your child says “I’m hungry! What can I have?”
You develop surprising funny feelings for Rishi Sunak. Especially the photo of him working from home in his grey hoodie.
You secretly miss going to the park and standing around freezing your arse off while your kids play on the swings.
You’ve started turning a blind eye to your kids being on screens longer than usual, if it means you can just… Sit. And. Have. A Cup. Of. Tea.
You start to see the educational value of everything. Does watching Mallory Towers on CBBC count, since it’s set in a boarding school?
Joe Wicks’ YouTube sessions are the first time you’ve ever enjoyed PE lessons in your life.
You become a bit obsessed with trying to work out which exact shade of grey Joe Wicks’ living room is painted. Hmm is it Farrow & Ball Ammonite or Perbeck Stone?
You see going to the loo as ‘me time’ and genuinely value the space it gives you.
Your ‘only drinking wine at the weekends’ rule has gradually descended into a ‘only drinking wine after the Downing Street daily 5pm press briefing’ rule.
You briefly consider downloading TikTok as another way of keeping your kids (sshh and yourself) entertained.
Your School Mums WhatsApp group is basically now just used for a) exchanging lockdown memes b) asking how long the queues were outside the local supermarket today c) arranging kids’ video calls.
You now consider ‘making a big effort’ to be putting on some mascara and brushing your hair.
Your gym leggings have never been worn more regularly. And they look so fetching with your fluffy slippers. (Do we have to go back to regular clothes at all?)
Going for a run used to be something you avoided. Now it’s the highlight of your day.
When your kids ask, expectantly, on a Friday afternoon “What are we doing this weekend?” you can say “Nothing” absolutely guilt-free!