You know all the words to the Bedtime Hour theme tune on CBeebies. It’s not cool to sing along, but we all do it.
You watch people giving birth in films/sitcoms and can’t believe how wrong they get it. Don’t they have women who are mums in the production team and can guide them on how it really is?!
You consider your jeans to be clean if you manage to scratch the dried baby milk/purée off them.
Being up at 4am isn’t the result of a brilliant night out, followed by a trip to the chip shop and a wine-fuelled SingStar session.
You find yourself gazing lustfully at another mum’s Stokke buggy rather than her Mulberry Alexa handbag.
You’ve read and re-read the opening chapter of the same book four times in the last six months, but haven’t got any further.
You get some time to yourself and go for a wander around some shops… but still find yourself lured into Mothercare when you spot an ever-so-cute baby outfit in the window.
Instead of skimming past all the Facebook posts by friends-who-have-kids (and let’s face it, considering ‘hiding’ them from your news feed) you start taking an active interest, offer tips and get involved in debates on controlled crying and weaning.
Charlie & Lola
You don’t remember not feeling guilty about something. Leaving child in nursery? Check. Giving child shop-bought baby food? Check. Letting child bang head on hard floor? Check. Having CBeebies on too much? Check.
When looking at buying a new car, instead of comparing engine size, you compare boot size. “Hmm. A 600 litre boot with a 1.1 litre engine? I’ll take it!”