1. I’m just going to check Twitter before I get out of bed.
2. Oh and Facebook.
3. I wonder if anyone’s liked my amazing Instagram photo from last night? I’ll take a peek. Then I’m definitely getting out of bed.
4. Oh God I need a cup of tea. Bugger, all my pretty mugs are in the dishwasher, I can’t Instagram an old tatty mug.
5. Phew! I spy an Orla Kiely-esque mug at the back of the cupboard. That’s a relief.
6. I wish my kitchen was tidy so I didn’t have to take Instagram photos in this one corner of the room.
7. I wish my kitchen was brighter and didn’t have spotlights – soooo annoying for casting shadows when taking photos.
8. Bugger. My tea has gone cold because I took so long to faff around, taking photos of it.
9. Ooh my hair’s looking quite good today. Going to take a mirror selfie.
10. How do I angle my phone so that I get all of me in shot?
11. Ooh no, my chin looks huge in that pic. Delete. Try again.
12. Should I look at myself, the camera lens or the screen on my phone? Which looks the least vain / pretentious?
13. I’ll look at my feet. Looks totally casual and off-the-cuff then.
14. Is it normal to spend 20 minutes and 68 attempts at taking the perfect selfie?
15. Argh – how is my phone already down to 30% battery? I’ve hardly used it this morning.
16. Right, popping to the shops and then head to a cafe to work from. Ooh, that brick wall would be an awesome backdrop for some photos.
17. Wish I lived in East London where there are loads of amazing brightly coloured walls and street art.
18. Maybe I should become a street artist and graffiti some walls in this area.
19. I’m sure the local council wouldn’t mind.
20. Ooh, the tiled flooring in this cafe is gorgeous.
21. Just going to take some photos of my feet.
22. Why is that old guy staring at me? I’m just taking photos of my feet.
23. I’ll take some of my whole outfit, while I’m here.
24. How do I angle it, so that I get my whole outfit in?
25. OK, there are four people staring at me now, maybe I’ll stop.
26. Dammit, the lady in the cafe didn’t even give me chocolate in the shape of a heart on my cappuccino. No point in Instagramming it, now.
27. Oh, maybe I will still take just a couple of photos anyway.
28. Right, laptop on. Going to write an amazing blog post.
29. Just going to check Facebook first.
30. Ooh, someone’s just tweeted me.
31. Right, going to start writing this blog post.
32. Pinterest! I haven’t looked at it at all today.
33. Dammit, it’s telling me I’ve already pinned that picture of a blogger in ripped jeans and heels before. I’m such a loser.
34. How have I lost two hours on Pinterest? I literally just came on, to have a quick look.
35. OK, I’m really going to start this blog post now.
36. Oh God, I’ve forgotten how to start a blog post.
37. Everything I type makes me sound like a dick.
38. I’ll just look at some other blogs, to get some inspiration.
39. How have I lost an hour looking at other blogs?
40. OK, I feel inspired now. Totally going to nail this blog post.
41. And.. publish.
42. I’ll just check my stats. Oh, only three people have read the post.
43. Actually, re-reading the blog post, I’m not sure it’s very good.
44. Oh God, I’ve just written a terrible blog post.
45. Maybe I should just give up blogging.
46. Shall I delete all of my social media profiles too?
47. Maybe I could live a simple, technology-free existence.
48. I could move to the countryside, get chickens and shun all modern technology.
49. Oh, but then how would I watch Netflix?
50. Hang on, someone’s just tweeted me saying they love my blog post.
51. I’ll just check my stats again.
52. Wow, 100 people have read it.
53. Maybe it’s a good post after all.
54. 20 comments! Actually, it’s a bloody amazing post.
55. Maybe it’ll go viral.
56. Maybe I’ll become as big as Zoella.
57. Maybe I’ll get offered a book deal.
58. I should write another blog post now.
59. Right after I check Facebook…
If you liked this, read the post that inspired me 33 thoughts every mum has when her baby goes down for a nap by the fab blogger Molly at Mother’s Always Right. Image: DTTSP