10 Things Every Parent Will Tweet

10 things every parent tweets at some point...

10 things every parent will tweet

1. The early morning tweet:

It’s 6.05am. My kids are fast asleep. Why am I awake?!

2. The clock change tweet:

THANK YOU GMT for making our day an hour longer. Currently trying to convince 2yo he is sleepy and wants to go to bed #fatchance

3. The 3am feeding mum tweet:

Anyone else awake? My timeline is so quiet…

4. The wine o’clock tweet:

It’s been a day of tantrums, rain and Peppa Pig. I’ve bloomin’ earned my 7pm wine tonight.

5. The weirded out by technology tweet:

OK so my 18 month old can unlock my iPhone and knows my passcode. I’m officially scared.

6. The date night tweet:

Heels on. Lippy on. Top that isn’t covered in baby puree on. We’re going to the pub! Like real grown ups do! #datenight #givemeallthewine

7. The hungover tweet:

Oh GOD. My head is pounding. And I have to take my 2-year-old to a birthday party today. SAVE ME.

8. The childrens’ TV tweet:

Kids’ TV has changed so much since we were young. So is this Mr Tumble dude meant to be a bit like Timmy Mallett?

9. The bloody knackered tweet:

Going to need a LOT of coffee after being woken up every hour last night. Do they make caffeine drips? *makes mental note to invent them*

10. The lie in tweet:

I’m having a lie in with a cup of tea. This is the dreamiest thing since they invented Dream Topping in the 1970s.


And the tweet no parent should ever send…

LOOK! A photo of my son’s first ever poo in the potty!

No one wants to see. Honestly. I’m sure you’re very proud of your son – seriously, potty training is super stressful and when you crack it, you feel like a SUPER HERO. You can take on the world and achieve anything. But showing visual evidence to everyone you know is just TMI.


Which tweets do you see all the time from fellow parents?


Psst! I’m super excited to have been voted as a finalist in the Britmums Brilliance in Blogging Awards *does cartwheel* Thank you VERY much if you voted for me…




  1. May 26, 2014 / 6:39 pm

    Don’t forget the “Stuck in soft play. Send help. And gin. But mostly gin #softplayhell” tweet. That was me today

    • Alison Perry
      May 26, 2014 / 6:46 pm

      Yes! That is definitely number 11. Hope you have gin now?!

  2. May 26, 2014 / 6:46 pm

    Oh yes, see all of those most days (apart from the 3am one). I’m usually the 6am tweeter myself. As a mum of tweens I’m usually tweeting ‘It’s 10.15pm, all three kids still up. JUST GO TO BED!’.

    • Alison Perry
      May 26, 2014 / 6:47 pm

      But do they lie in (and allow you to lie in)? That must be AMAZING.

  3. Aileen
    May 26, 2014 / 6:50 pm

    Hahaha I don’t tweet but I do have a mild obsession with FB and I think I have put a variation of each of these as my status at one point or another! You have hit the nail on the head and yes why do mothers insist on posting pics of poo?? I will post pics of nearly anything but that is jus too far!

    • Alison Perry
      May 27, 2014 / 9:14 am

      I think some parents lose sight of what is generally acceptable in life – easily done when you’re caught up in a joyous moment of parenting!!

  4. Natasha
    May 26, 2014 / 6:50 pm

    There’s the stealth boast disguised as just a ‘something funny the kid has said’ tweet – eg. “Crispin (2) asked today if the sandpit went all the way down forever and ever to the Earth’s molten core”.

    • Alison Perry
      May 27, 2014 / 9:15 am

      Haha – yes I love those tweets.

  5. May 26, 2014 / 7:16 pm

    oh god guilty as charged for at least 4 of these…. how predictable we become!

  6. May 26, 2014 / 8:33 pm

    haha! oh god I’ve done all of them (sans the poo in the potty thing! OMG do people do that??) x

    • Alison Perry
      May 27, 2014 / 9:15 am


  7. May 26, 2014 / 10:24 pm

    I avoid the early morning tweets as well. Just a little concerned the wine tweet says 7pm?! Surely anything after school pick up is acceptable?! ; )

    • Alison Perry
      May 26, 2014 / 10:29 pm

      Haha – it DID say 5pm and I thought that made me look bad 😉 I do generally wait til my daughter is in bed, but I suspect that as her bed time gets later, that rule will disappear!

  8. May 27, 2014 / 12:37 am

    haha I love and know 4 and 9 oh so well! x

  9. May 27, 2014 / 7:15 am

    See these every day – very well observed. Two you could add – the ‘wah – kid X has a temp and is vomiting, it’s going to be a long night’ tweet and the ‘hubby doing this/that mundane kid chore whilst I pamper/chill/drink/smoke crack’ tweet

    I’m going to be absolutely honest here – I have a deep toe-curl reaction to the phrase ‘wine o’clock’.

    • Alison Perry
      May 27, 2014 / 7:19 am

      Haha it’s funny how some phrases make you want to scream isn’t it? I like wine o’clock but I have that same reaction to “mumpreneur”.

  10. May 27, 2014 / 11:03 am

    I had a ‘friend’ post on their facebook wall, a picture of their child’s poo in a potty. Clearly, they are no longer my friend on facebook! no one wants to see that!

  11. May 27, 2014 / 6:14 pm

    Hahaa I am pleased to say I’ve never sent a poo pic tweet!

  12. May 28, 2014 / 9:05 am

    Ha I’ve tweeted most of the above. Lately my all seem to be about night feeds and teething though!

  13. May 28, 2014 / 9:20 am

    I’m often glad I didn’t discover Twitter until my youngest was 2 – or my feed would have been full of ‘omg it’s 2am. Why won’t they just sleep’ for about 16 years 😀

  14. May 28, 2014 / 9:49 am

    LOL, brilliant! #gimmeallthewine is possibly the hashtag I see (use) the most!! Trying to think of school-gate ones now…..!

  15. May 28, 2014 / 2:54 pm

    Genius! How about the ‘first night out after having the baby’ series of texts….’is the baby OK?’ ‘is the baby OK?’ ‘IS THE BABY OK?’ and so on. This is what all my NCT friends and I texted on our first night out. We met up a few weeks ago and I’m not sure anyone actually checked their phones this time.

  16. May 29, 2014 / 1:35 pm

    though i can’t personally relate to this i’ve definitely seen a few of these!

  17. May 29, 2014 / 1:50 pm

    I’ve seen a few of these… My version of no.6 is ‘I am out out,’ sometimes accompanied by photographic proof. So I’m a cliche too! :-/ But… No-one in my timeline has ever posted poo! Do people really do that? Seems I’ve managed to avoid following the TMI tweeters!

  18. May 31, 2014 / 12:41 pm

    Proud to say I too have never tweeted out a photo of the kids’ poo; my phone camera is broken.

  19. June 1, 2014 / 10:28 pm

    haha loved this post – I usually see the wine one on my timeline and have to admit I have tweeted that one as well 🙂 – Well I mean we do all deserve it after a long day

    Laura x

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.