10 Things Every Parent Will Tweet

10 things every parent tweets at some point...

10 things every parent will tweet

1. The early morning tweet:

It’s 6.05am. My kids are fast asleep. Why am I awake?!

2. The clock change tweet:

THANK YOU GMT for making our day an hour longer. Currently trying to convince 2yo he is sleepy and wants to go to bed #fatchance

3. The 3am feeding mum tweet:

Anyone else awake? My timeline is so quiet…

4. The wine o’clock tweet:

It’s been a day of tantrums, rain and Peppa Pig. I’ve bloomin’ earned my 7pm wine tonight.

5. The weirded out by technology tweet:

OK so my 18 month old can unlock my iPhone and knows my passcode. I’m officially scared.

6. The date night tweet:

Heels on. Lippy on. Top that isn’t covered in baby puree on. We’re going to the pub! Like real grown ups do! #datenight #givemeallthewine

7. The hungover tweet:

Oh GOD. My head is pounding. And I have to take my 2-year-old to a birthday party today. SAVE ME.

8. The childrens’ TV tweet:

Kids’ TV has changed so much since we were young. So is this Mr Tumble dude meant to be a bit like Timmy Mallett?

9. The bloody knackered tweet:

Going to need a LOT of coffee after being woken up every hour last night. Do they make caffeine drips? *makes mental note to invent them*

10. The lie in tweet:

I’m having a lie in with a cup of tea. This is the dreamiest thing since they invented Dream Topping in the 1970s.


And the tweet no parent should ever send…

LOOK! A photo of my son’s first ever poo in the potty!

No one wants to see. Honestly. I’m sure you’re very proud of your son – seriously, potty training is super stressful and when you crack it, you feel like a SUPER HERO. You can take on the world and achieve anything. But showing visual evidence to everyone you know is just TMI.


Which tweets do you see all the time from fellow parents?


Psst! I’m super excited to have been voted as a finalist in the Britmums Brilliance in Blogging Awards *does cartwheel* Thank you VERY much if you voted for me…


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  1. says

    Oh yes, see all of those most days (apart from the 3am one). I’m usually the 6am tweeter myself. As a mum of tweens I’m usually tweeting ‘It’s 10.15pm, all three kids still up. JUST GO TO BED!’.
    Sarah MumofThree World recently posted…A&E. Why don’t you check it out?My Profile

  2. Aileen says

    Hahaha I don’t tweet but I do have a mild obsession with FB and I think I have put a variation of each of these as my status at one point or another! You have hit the nail on the head and yes why do mothers insist on posting pics of poo?? I will post pics of nearly anything but that is jus too far!

    • Alison Perry says

      I think some parents lose sight of what is generally acceptable in life – easily done when you’re caught up in a joyous moment of parenting!!

  3. Natasha says

    There’s the stealth boast disguised as just a ‘something funny the kid has said’ tweet – eg. “Crispin (2) asked today if the sandpit went all the way down forever and ever to the Earth’s molten core”.

  4. says

    I avoid the early morning tweets as well. Just a little concerned the wine tweet says 7pm?! Surely anything after school pick up is acceptable?! ; )

    • Alison Perry says

      Haha – it DID say 5pm and I thought that made me look bad 😉 I do generally wait til my daughter is in bed, but I suspect that as her bed time gets later, that rule will disappear!

  5. says

    See these every day – very well observed. Two you could add – the ‘wah – kid X has a temp and is vomiting, it’s going to be a long night’ tweet and the ‘hubby doing this/that mundane kid chore whilst I pamper/chill/drink/smoke crack’ tweet

    I’m going to be absolutely honest here – I have a deep toe-curl reaction to the phrase ‘wine o’clock’.
    Eleanor (thebristolparent) recently posted…How would you like it? Things to try before your baby does. Why don’t you check it out?My Profile

    • Alison Perry says

      Haha it’s funny how some phrases make you want to scream isn’t it? I like wine o’clock but I have that same reaction to “mumpreneur”.

  6. says

    Genius! How about the ‘first night out after having the baby’ series of texts….’is the baby OK?’ ‘is the baby OK?’ ‘IS THE BABY OK?’ and so on. This is what all my NCT friends and I texted on our first night out. We met up a few weeks ago and I’m not sure anyone actually checked their phones this time.
    Gill Crawshaw recently posted…The best apps for mobile blogging. Why don’t you check it out?My Profile

  7. says

    I’ve seen a few of these… My version of no.6 is ‘I am out out,’ sometimes accompanied by photographic proof. So I’m a cliche too! :-/ But… No-one in my timeline has ever posted poo! Do people really do that? Seems I’ve managed to avoid following the TMI tweeters!
    Rachael (Mushroomsmum) recently posted…The myth of the multi-tasking mother. Why don’t you check it out?My Profile

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