The Glamour Of Being A Mum

Hey TV mums and celeb mums, I have a bone to pick with you. You’re just not keeping it real. You make it seem like your lovely chilled out, glamorous pre-baby life has just carried on as before, even though you now have a child to look after. Yes, I know that it is possible to have the odd ‘old-me’ moment as a mum. But every day? You’re just pulling our legs, right?

Let’s take Rachel from Friends, as an example. Rachel, how on earth do you have all that time to just sit around in Central Perk, looking sleek, drinking skinny lattes with your friends, when you’re mum to baby Emma? Especially when Ross – Emma’s dad – is usually right there with you, on the sofa, having a chat. My solo coffee shop moments since becoming a mum have been so rare, I can count them on two hands.

And Kim Kardashian. All of those photos of you wearing designer dresses, out having fun with your celebrity friends? Not exactly what I was doing as a new mum (I could mostly be found burping a baby until she sicked down my back or scraping my unwashed hair back into a ponytail for my daily trek to Sainsbury’s.) Oh PS I’m not judging you here, Kim, if I could have been out in glamorous bars back then, I would’ve been. Annoyingly, my two arch enemies tiredness and anxiety got in the way.

Even you Victoria Beckham. Please tell me, how do you manage to go about your day, with gorgeous little Harper, in such a calm way? I don’t think I’ve ever seen Harper cry while you’re out and about on a shopping trip, never mind have a full-scale floor-thumping tantrum. (Honestly – take a look at a Google Image search for Harper. There’s one pic of her with a slight frown and one of her where she’s yawning but that’s it – the rest are all smiles or calm & content.)

Toddler having a tantrum

No, in the three years that I’ve been a mum, my life has looked nothing like the lives of these TV/celeb ladies. So, in the spirit of balancing things up a bit, I bring you…

My 7 most unglamorous moments of being a mum:

  1. Last week, this happened: *knock knock knock* “Mummy? Are you having a poo?” As a mum, you’re never allowed to nip to the loo in peace.
  2. Leaking boobs in the pub. I don’t see any milky patches on Kim Kardashian’s dresses, but on my first proper night out after having a baby, I had to dash to the pub loo to get some wadges of loo roll to stuff down my bra to soak up the leaky milk seeping from my rock hard boobs. SEXY.
  3. The realisation that my house can be quite gross. Last year, while doing a quick tidy of the house before people came round (surely the only time you have to tidy, right?) I lifted the sofa cushions to give them a shake. Under them, I found: a bunch of dried up peas and raisins, a mini breadstick, some crushed up Rice Krispies, two pieces of Lego, a small wooden spoon and instructions for our pop-up play tent. Hmm.
  4. Getting an honest reminder that I really must book a wax… a few weeks ago, my three-year-old peered at my knickers as I was getting dressed and shouted: “Mummy, why have you got hair THERE?”
  5. Scratching baby puree/formula/yoghurt off my jeans so that I can get one more wear out of them before I wash them.
  6. Scratching paint/mud/yoghurt off my daughter’s party dress so that she can wear it that day, after I forgot to wash it.
  7. Tantrums when we’re trying really hard to have one of those picture-perfect family moments. We were in a rustic country pub with friends last Sunday. We had a table by the log fire, the pub dog was scampering around by our feet, there were locals sitting up at the bar chatting to the barmaid, we ordered roast lamb with all the trimmings. It was like Instagram, but actual real life. Until… “I DON’T WANT TO EAT MY SAUSAGES!” (repeated 34 times, plus some kicking and screaming, resulting in me lifting my squirming child out of the pub and across the road to give her a talking to and attempt to calm her down.)

What are your most unglamorous moments of motherhood? (Or is your life as rosy as the TV and celeb mums?)

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25 thoughts on “The Glamour Of Being A Mum

  1. This post did make me laugh! Motherhood hasn’t been anywhere near glamorous lately potty training a 2 year old with a tummy bug…need I say any more. And last week I only realised when I got home that I’d taken my toddler to playgroup wearing my jumper backwards!!!! I’m sure that wouldn’t happen to VB!

  2. Brilliant post, and I can identify with all of it (especially the jeans part, glad it’s not just me!). My little boy always follows me to the toilet and then stands there shouting “mummy, poo poo!” which is fairly unglamourous!
    Not A Frumpy Mum recently posted…Silent Sunday. Why don’t you check it out?My Profile

  3. Poo in hair. Actual real poo in my actual real hair, post nappy change explosion. Also, poo on the curtain – and not discovering all said poo on first clean up. Old poo is even stickier and harder to clean. Vomit. (Sorry – mainly all poo related.)
    Molly recently posted…Treating myself, just because. Why don’t you check it out?My Profile

  4. Oh, I still have embarrassing things happen to us in public even if little girl is 4. I still end up dragging her out of the library shouting, with people giving me the disapproving look(yeah, you try explaining to her that 9 is the limit!!). She still has the odd meltdown in Spar when I say she can’t have chocolate(the cupboards at home are full, anyway)..No glamorous mummy here :-)
    Oana79 recently posted…Silent Sunday: 23/11/2013. Why don’t you check it out?My Profile

  5. Nodding my head throughout! My almost 3 year old usually follows me to the toilet, rips off some loo roll and lunges towards me to “wipe your bottom” mummy – lovely…! I have also been known to exit the house with my clothes on inside out… cringe x
    Richmond Mummy recently posted…Claudia, I love…. Why don’t you check it out?My Profile

  6. Yah! Especially with friends that post nice images of their children on Facebook frequently. I will be wondering if they have any bad moments with the kids.

    The first picture reminded me of my daughter. And the disapproving looks from the people who are watching. Had to simply grab her away from floor and whisk her out of the supermarket.

  7. Fab post! And SO spot on! Certain “celeb mums” even tip off the papparazzi on the odd occasions they actually DO the school run – hence they look immaculate and not harrassed like us in the real world! Yeah, it gets MY goat too! “Look – I’m a hands on mum really”!! Errr… no you’re not love. Jog on! x
    Katy Hill recently posted…Katy Loves… Advent Calendars. Why don’t you check it out?My Profile

    • Some mums EVEN commission the photographer themselves and therefore get a cut of the money that the press pay to print them, Katy! Oh it’s a crazy old world, isn’t it?!

  8. Hahaha! This really did make me laugh out loud! I look after my goddaughter every Wednesday and every time I go to the loo I get ‘Auntie Lu are you having a wee or a poo’ haha. It makes me laugh but at least I still get my on my own toilet time until my baby arrives! xxx

  9. Love this post, can relate to everything here, I have a 2 year old girl who loves a tantrum at the moment, and only seems to happen in public, typical! I also have a 7 month old son and I am constantly ‘wet wipe’ing’ yoghurt/milk/sick and just about any other substance you can think off them! The joys, good job we adore them, out little people that is!
    Missinformedmummy recently posted…Quote of the week. Why don’t you check it out?My Profile

    • My favourite thing about joint toilet trips when out and about is when I’m sat on the loo and my LO starts unlocking the door! “Nooooo! Wait til Mummy’s finished!”

  10. Gawd yes, yes to all of that. I’ve gotten halfway through the workday before realising that I had sticky handprints on my pants leg. And I’ve done the “scrape greasy hair into ponytail” so much that it is now an acceptable work hairstyle. Let’s not even think of going back to the days when I was a WAHM and would regularly do the daycare drop-off in my pajamas. Yeah, I was that mum.
    Spot on as always – keep it up sister!
    Lynn @NomadMomDiary recently posted…Uphill in the snow both ways. Why don’t you check it out?My Profile

  11. Well, where do I start?… Okay so just this last weekend, our little one got a sparkly magazine with free gift of lipstick, mirror and stickers. I quickly turned into ‘Girl’s World’ and was told “Mummy you look like a clown!” She had drawn literally around my mouth! Thankfully the lipstick didn’t stain…
    I also had my hair styled into bunches with numerous hair clips!
    Carol Cameleon recently posted…A Fussy Faddy Journey…. Why don’t you check it out?My Profile

  12. So, so true. One of my totally unglamorous mummy moments was taking my 6 week old baby girl to a family carol service on Christmas Eve. We lit candles, belted out ‘We three kings’ and ‘Silent night’ – so far, so festive. But when we were midway through ‘Away in a manger’ her very overwhelming hunger set in – cue tears. I snuck off prepared to whip out my boob in church and feed my little girl in what I thought was a side room. I’d actually positioned myself in a not so discrete passage way that the whole congregation was going to exit the church via…!
    laurajanewrites recently posted…The nappy list part deux. Why don’t you check it out?My Profile

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