1. Thou shalt spend the entire time trying to stop flashing your builder’s bum to everyone, as you bend and twist your way through the soft play area.
2. Thou shalt always tell off at least one child that isn’t yours – “DON’T climb up the slide!”
3. Thou shalt become the most judgmental parent ever – “Why is that mum sitting drinking coffee on the sofa over there when her child is bring sat on, in the ball pool?”
4. Thou shalt leave smelling of fried food. Even the soft play centres that sell healthy organic meals. Thou shalt still leave smelling of a deep fat fryer.
5. Thou shalt secretly enjoy going down the big slide. “Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!”

If you liked that, you might like these:

• Our online footprint
• Is this the world’s weirdest comforter?
• The 5 Best Things About Becoming A Mum
• 10 Easy Easter Crafts For Toddlers